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Summer Body

Summer Body

Ah yes, the bikini body, otherwise known as “summer-body”, which one can only attain by eating nothing but chia seeds and drinking flat tummy tea & its likes and going to something called the gym 24/7 or a “bikini boot camp”, a term I can never read without visualising a bunch of women in bikinis camping out together and toasting marshmallows around a campfire. (Guys my age group would like this in-fact all men living and breathing lol).

I appreciate that it is not the bikini’s fault that its name has been thus abused, but it is yet another reason for my scepticism of bikinis: they are used as yet another stick with which to beat women about the state of their bodies. “Is your body as taut as a Barbie doll’s, as burnished as a penny loafer and as perfectly proportioned as a comic book heroine’s? No? Then you, missy, do not deserve to wear a bikini! Be off with you and try not to traumatise any small children on the beach with your Jabba the Hut-like figure. Statements and thoughts like the above make me very upset by the way, as I am one to eat whatever I want, whenever I want and not an advocate of body shamers. 

But I am a fashion columnist and it is spring and, as such, it is my legal and God-given duty to instruct you how to get a bikini body:

1. Take one body, probably yours.

2. Take one bikini, probably yours.

3. Put Bikini on body.

4. Go to the pool, beach or other bikini-meriting place.

5. The winner of my closet raid giveaway is @Isholakeni 

6. Enjoy your day regardless of what any body shammer has to say.

XoXo,

Olar.

29 comments

  1. I’m still waiting for the year I’m going to have the perfect summer body 😭😭. Nice write up, beautiful swim wear 😍😍

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  2. Loooooooool! Beautiful one. So many things we use these days to try and downgrade others but we shall rise! Congrats to your closet raider, shaa no cry o

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  3. Am working on my summer body while still checking out all the junks stores😒 congrats to the winner😘 as u dinor gimme permission to raid your closet just watch out for me oh I will coman steal it😩😩😩

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  4. Yaaaasss please , let me get my bikini and my flabby sexy ass tummy to the nearest “bikini -meriting place”. Congrats to the winner. God bless ola and her giving hands💜

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  5. Take one body, probably yours; take one bikini probably yours… 🙌 😂
    Your sense will of humour comes through every single time, and yes you write so well!! 🙌 Congrats to the winner of the closet raid.

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  6. Haaaa!! Haaa!! Who is cutting onions! Ok. I just finished washing 4 mom. Put on my data then saw a msg request. Someone alerted me that i won olarslim closet raid! Haaa. See how this God works. I dint evn know God was working behind d scenes 4 me. Let me run n take my testimony to IG. Olarslim. U will never b stranded. Now ds is awwwwww! 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍

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  7. Nice write up olar…..I admire you😍😍😍😍Congratulations to the winner……choiiii I wish 😀

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  8. Bikini body is never for me. But after two kids, i still have a great body sha. Congrats to thE winner. Pls dont give her my nysc shoe na. Just make an exception for me

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  9. Summer body is a must have… You have to put in so much energy and discipline your self… But guess what the best way to do this is to try Natural remedies… I started using a natural mixture I read about online for my face and it worked like magic.. To lose belly drink lemon water, this serve as a detox…eat veggies and more protein..if you want to excersise dont do crunches do cardio…i. hrd dandelion tea and cranberry juice works really well for belly fat.. Enough lecture… *yawn*

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